October sees the anniversary of the death of Jonathan McCartney, in whose name this charity has been founded. Some of you may know that Jonathan took his life in what appeared to be an “out of the blue” event. One of the tragedies of his death was that although he knew he didn’t feel well he was unable to share this with his friends, his colleagues or his family. This is why the charity was founded; to encourage people to speak out about mental health and well-being and diminish the stigma surrounding it.
Thankfully, we now longer use the term “committed” suicide which relates back to the time when to take one’s life was a criminal act. At one time a person who took their life could not be buried in consecrated ground. Not that it would ever matter to a compassionate God where the suffering person lay. However, there are times when it seems that misunderstanding and a lack of appreciation of the deep anguish that drive people to take their own lives, lives on.
Shortly after Jonathan’s death, a few of his family were having a meal in a restaurant local to where he worked. On the table next to us were a group of people discussing the death by suicide of a friend that they knew. Some were speaking of the death with bewilderment but compassion but others suggesting that basically taking one’s life was very selfish – thoughtless, an easy way out, no consideration of all those problems for the grieving people left behind.
Indeed, those left behind grieve deeply, ask themselves questions, search for clues they may have missed and feel utterly bereft. But suicide is not a selfish act. No two suicides are the same but so many stem from deep emotional or psychological pain for which, in that moment, the only relief is an act of self-destruction. A patient that is in agonising physical pain may cry out for morphine to relieve their pain as they can bear it no longer. A person in a severe suicidal state can find their pain so unbearable they can see only one way out.
In recent years, people have been more open about talking about mental health; well known people share their tragic stories, the government has a suicide prevention strategy and Prince William recently launched “On your side” an initiative to reach people, particularly men, through sport. And yet the number who die by suicide each year continues to rise so there is still much work to be done.
If a friend, family member or colleague was suffering from a physical illness you would urge them to go to the doctor, probably more than once. If you feel someone is not feeing quite right or feeling distress and in emotional pain ask them how they’re feeling and ask them again, and again. Asking people if they are having suicidal thoughts does not increase the risk that they will take their life.
Val McCartney
Co-founder and trustee, Jonathan’s Voice
If you feel in distress and need someone to talk to call Samaritans 116 123 now
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