How do we support the supporter? Reducing the emotional load within IP

Guest blog by Lisa Whittleton

Are you carrying a quiet but significant emotional load? Within the IP profession, many are. You may be a patent attorney, trademark attorney, paralegal or business support staff. On top of that, you may be a mentor to trainees, support to colleagues, family and friends and an absorber of client stress! It is a lot.

This question of who is supporting the supporter is always front of my mind in the work I do with organisations. At Jonathan’s Voice we talk a lot about creating safe spaces at work for open, honest and stigma-free conversations about mental health, but if we encourage people to do this, we must also ensure they have the boundaries, clarity, and support to stay safe themselves.

How to offer support without over‑functioning

Supporting someone does not mean absorbing their workload, emotional burden, or responsibility. In high‑pressure environments like IP, it’s easy for supportive people to slip into “over‑functioning”: doing more than is healthy, stepping into roles that aren’t theirs, or carrying emotional weight that belongs elsewhere. Sometimes we simply feel it is easier in the moment to get the job done ourselves.

1. Help without taking over

You can listen, validate, and guide without becoming the fixer. Most people don’t need you to solve their problem they need to feel heard, understood, and not judged. When someone is stressed, overwhelmed, or upset, the most powerful thing you can offer is presence, not solutions.

What this looks like in practice:

Reflect back what you’re hearing: “It sounds like this has been really tough.”
Validate their experience: “It makes sense you’d feel this way.”
Ask supportive questions: “What would help you feel more in control right now?”
Resist the urge to jump into action or take tasks off their plate

Let go of the pressure to “fix” things. You’re not responsible for solving everything and trying to do so often increases your own stress.

2. Use boundary phrases

Clear, kind boundaries protect both you and the person you’re supporting. They set expectations, reduce emotional load, and keep conversations safe.

Examples of healthy boundary phrases:

“I can help with X, but I won’t be able to take on Y.”
“I can support you with what’s happening at work, but I’m not able to give personal advice, shall we explore what additional support is available?”
“I’m here to listen, and I can help you think through next steps. I can’t take this on for you, but I can help you plan how to approach it.”
“I want to support you, and I also need to stay within my role, let’s look at what’s realistic for both of us.”

Boundary phrases are not barriers they are clarity tools. They help people understand what support you can offer and what sits outside your remit.

3. Recognise helper fatigue

Helper fatigue is real and common within the IP Profession, where people often feel responsible for colleagues, trainees, support staff and the success of the business. When supporting others becomes draining, it’s time to reset.

Signs of helper fatigue:

You feel emotionally heavy after conversations
You struggle to switch off or stop thinking about someone else’s situation
You start to resent the time spent supporting others
You feel responsible for things that aren’t yours to carry
You notice your own resilience dipping e.g. poor sleep, irritability, reduced focus

When you notice these signs, pause and ask yourself:

Have I stepped beyond my role?
Am I carrying something that isn’t mine?
What boundary do I need to reset?
What support do I need right now?
Who can help me delegate this?

Helper fatigue doesn’t mean you’re failing, it means you’re human. Resetting boundaries protects your wellbeing and ensures your support remains sustainable.

4. Shift from fixing to empowering

Instead of taking responsibility, help the person build their own capacity. Empowering questions:

What feels like the next small step?
What options do you see?
What support would help you move forward?
What’s within your control right now?
Who else could support with this?

How can a manager help set boundaries around support?

Managers play a crucial part in creating supportive cultures, but they also need clarity about what sits within their remit and what doesn’t.

Boundaries for managers mean:

Listening with empathy
Acknowledging impact
Offering reasonable adjustments
Signposting to support
Remembering you’re not a therapist

Boundaries work best when they’re communicated early, consistently, and compassionately. People like to know where they stand and blurred boundaries often lead to reliance on someone who cannot give the support they need.

Practical boundary tools for managers

Be honest about what you can and cannot do
Agree communication expectations – up front if possible.
Clarify what support is available from you, and elsewhere
Be clear about confidentiality limits and when you may have to share concern for someone due to their safety and what this process would look like
Agreement a document about adjustments/support and a way forward.
Model boundaries from the top down. Clarify on who is available, when, how to access support, and what that support includes (with a focus on signposting)
“Thank you for sharing this with me. I’m here to support you with what’s happening at work, and we can look at adjustments together. I’m not able to give personal advice, but I can help you access the right support.”

Practical boundary tools for everyone

Reset your own boundaries around when it’s healthy for you to talk to certain people or access/absorb certain information e.g. mobile phone use
Give yourself permission to say when you are and are not available without needing to justify it
Factor in time to debrief or regulate after emotionally heavy conversations – who inside/outside of work can you trust to do this with?
Allocate “worry time” (ideally not before bed) to prevent rumination
Ask grounding questions, such as: “Have I done everything I can within my role?” “Is what’s happening to them affecting me right now?” “What do I need to regulate myself physically or emotionally?”
Write down worries or draft them in an email to release mental load
Engage your brain in a different activity following a difficult conversation e.g. reading, a puzzle, exercise to create cognitive distance
Use a thought record to identify thinking traps and reframe to more balanced thoughts
Reflect on what you’re grateful for before bed to shift mental state

These small habits create space, perspective and emotional recovery especially during periods of uncertainty or high pressure.

A shared responsibility: boundaries build healthy cultures

Creating open, supportive cultures is essential but it must be paired with boundaries that protect the people doing the supporting. When managers and teams set clear, kind boundaries, they create: